Even When Life’s Not Awesome, God Is

By Don Owsley

Our daughter had already given birth to two boys, each of whom was living with the birth fathers’ parents. Now, she was pregnant again and we were heartbroken.

As a child, our adopted daughter had often been irrational and angry, but we had no idea why until she had been diagnosed around thirteen with Reactive Attachment Disorder, also known as Developmental Trauma Disorder. At seventeen, she ran off with a man ten years her senior and had a baby. Three years later, she had a second child with a different man.

Now, two years later, she was expecting another child. To make matters worse, it was winter and she was living on the streets.

My wife, Lois, and I had prayed and prayed that there would not be another pregnancy under these kinds of circumstances; now we worried daily about our daughter’s safety and the life and safety of the little baby she was carrying.

ThanksLiving

About that time, I published a book entitled ThanksLiving about—you guessed it—living a life of thanks. The book is based on my studies of what the Bible says about gratitude. It is also filled with research on how gratitude increases contentedness, encourages happiness, and contributes to a life of flourishing.

Everything I’d learned while writing my book gave Lois and I hope as we dealt with daily drama and heartache stemming from our daughter’s choices and circumstances.

But we were very much struggling.

Having a third grandchild born into circumstances dominated by alcohol and drug abuse jabbed hard into our hearts. How could we be thankful for this? In spite of our girl’s dreams, she couldn’t raise this baby, just as she couldn’t raise her first two children. Why hadn’t God answered our prayers and kept her from bringing another baby into the world under these horrific circumstances? What about the drugs and alcohol she was consuming while pregnant? How would the baby’s life and health be impacted? Would she try to keep the baby with her while living on the streets in the dead of winter? We prayed for God to protect this baby now and in the future.

Was I really thankful?

I have to tell you, despite the many things I was learning about thanks and gratitude, this situation kept punching me in the gut.

Still, I couldn’t deny that God's Word calls us to be thankful in all things. In fact, scripture gives us three profound reasons to be thankful. God calls us to be thankful because of 1) His awesome character (Psalm 33:4-5,20-22), 2) His mighty works (Psalm 33:5-12), and 3) His redemptive acts (Psalm 33:13-19).

And we were about to learn powerful lessons about all three.

THANKFUL FOR GOD’S AWESOME CHARACTER

There was so little in our family situation for which I felt thankful. Still struggling, I began to pray: “Okay God, help us make sense of this crisis in light of what you tell us about being thankful.”

The first thing God did was show Lois and me, from the pattern of the laments in the Old Testament, that we could cry out to Him—and even complain (and I did quite a bit of that)—but then we were to promise to trust Him and thank Him in the midst of our calamity.

And so that’s what we began to do. We cried, we complained, and then we forced ourselves to vow to praise Him regardless of the outcome. I have to admit making the promise to praise Him no matter was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do!

Just before Thanksgiving, I had the privilege of giving a short devotional at our church. Of course, it was on ThanksLiving. The message was short, informative, and well-received. It was a joy to be able to discuss the subject of my newly published book with a variety of people over the following week or two.

At the same time, I felt like a hypocrite because of the mega-trial crushing our hearts. Was I truly grateful for everything? Grateful for crisis after crisis our daughter put herself in? Grateful for the birth of a child who might have physical defects or mental disabilities? Grateful for the fact that our daughter continued to refuse help or make plans for the baby after it was born? Grateful for sleepless nights spent worrying about her and the baby?

Researching, writing, and speaking on “thanksliving” during a stressful and ugly challenge in our lives really brought it home. God wants us to live a life of thanks. Not because life is awesome, but because He is. In fact, it was a profound moment when God revealed to me that true gratitude and thanksliving is fuel for a flourishing life.

And oh, how we longed to flourish.

THANKFUL FOR HIS MIGHTY WORKS

November. December. January. February. Lois and I continued to pray: “Lord, You are all-knowing, wise, and gracious. Show Yourself through all of this. You have done miraculous things, so please, in a mighty way, overcome the bad in this. Spare our daughter and save this child.”

In the last week of February, my wife, a professional violinist, was driving home from teaching music students in a city two hours away. She had just driven by Loveland, the city in which our daughter was living when Lois’s cell phone rang.

MJ in the NICU — MJ in NICU

Just a few days old.

It was our daughter, explaining that she had delivered a month early, giving birth to a baby boy the previous day in her boyfriend’s bathroom. But the baby was very sick. In fact, he was at a hospital in the Neonatal ICU on a ventilator and feeding tube.

Lois turned the car around and raced toward Loveland.

At the hospital, Lois learned that the baby had meth and other drugs in his system. A nurse explained, “It’s a good thing he came early. He might not have survived another month in the womb.”

When Lois learned that our daughter had told the nurses she had a place to live and wanted to take the baby home with her as soon as possible, Lois explained what was really going on and pleaded with the nurse not to release the baby.

The nurse shook her head. “He’s not going anywhere right now—he wouldn’t survive a day without medical treatment.”

Indeed, the report from the doctor and staff was not hopeful. Even if Matthew lived, there was a good chance of brain damage.

The next morning I called the hospital social worker and reiterated what Lois had told the hospital staff.

When Lois returned to Loveland to visit the baby, she was told that our daughter was furious we had spoken to the staff and social workers, so she gave strict orders that we were not allowed to see MJ.

A week later, CPS got a court order giving us permission to see the baby, which we did every day and evening for two weeks. Sitting for hours in NICU, we held, rocked, and sang to this little one, prayed over him while praising God for His mighty works. He had protected this baby for eight months in the womb—now we sought His help over the infant’s uncertain future.

THANKFUL FOR HIS REDEMPTIVE ACTS

MJ was improving every day. At two weeks, the doctor said the baby could go home but with a ventilator.

But where was he to go?

Our homeless, addicted daughter couldn’t take him, despite the fact she planned on fighting for custody. The birth father wanted custody, too, even though he was homeless, an addict, and unemployed.

The court ordered both birth parents, the birth father’s parents, Lois and me to appear in court. We were afraid for MJ’s future. We feared one or both parents would come to take him. As it turned out, Lois and I were the only ones to show up and were granted temporary custody with the plan that this baby would eventually go to a foster family.

At the end of MJ’s sixteenth day in NICU, I nervously placed him in the car seat and begged God to keep us safe for the ninety-minute drive home through ice and heavy snow.

Over the next few months, we wrestled with thoughts of seeking permanent custody of the little guy we had fallen in love with. Could we do it? Should we? Even if we could eventually win permanent custody, given our age, we didn’t think we had what it would take to raise a baby. He’d be better off with younger parents. We’d been empty nesters for too long. We weren’t in a position to even consider it.

And yet, God had already done so much in the life of this little prince. We knew we could trust Him for the rest.

After eight months and many visits with CPS workers, our caseworker, MJ’s guardian ad litem, and trips to the court, we were given permanent guardianship.

Here we are, in our sixties, raising a son. This is not how I imagined our lives would go, but this is what God has given.

We praise God for His gracious, merciful, and wise character.

We praise Him for His wonderful works in this situation, which could easily fill another book.

Finally, we praise Him for his redemptive works, for saving our grandson’s life and—by all indications—giving him a healthy body and mind. He’s very much the active three-year-old. And every day, he brings us joy beyond what we could have imagined.

Indeed, you could say that MJ is flourishing.

And guess what? So are we.

And for that, we are beyond thankful.

This was originally published in Power for Living: A ThanksLiving Journey (November 2020).